Alert: TLC shows are expiring from Netflix next week. This is bad news for me, because I watched Toddlers and Tiaras in its entirety no less than 3 times over the summer. I’ve gotten to be so fond of this train-wreck of a show that I’m not sure how I’m going to cope with not being able to watch these awesome and awkward moments whenever I want! Here are the moments I’ll miss the most:
Universal Royalty Pageant: AshLynn & BreAnne – awkward!
It’s Universal Royalty! (Yes, that was in Annette Hill’s voice.) The mother of these twins is one of the worst examples of behavior this show has to offer. Let’s not even start on the fact that she’s spelt her children’s names in ways promising to haunt them throughout life. She blatantly favors BreAnne, who she says is the prettiest of her five children and looks just like herself. She constantly puts AshLynn down, and makes her wear a ripped dress while BreAnne gets a brand new one. This is one of, if not the MOST uncomfortable you can be watching this show.
Outlaw Pageant: Isabella – awesome!
This is the first of two appearances by Isabella Gielniak, the best example of the positive aspects of pageantry. Isabella is a creative, energetic little girl. She’s not the polished pageant “professional” that this show often features. She’s genuine! Isabella makes up an entire western wear routine in this episode and ends up winning first place for the category. You can’t help but smile watching this little girl have so much fun performing.
Darling Divas: Liana – awkward!
I feel so bad for Liana in this episode, a girl with 42″ hair and the wrong pageant clothes. Instead of a cupcake dress, she wears something akin to a first communion dress. Her mother is oblivious to the fact that Liana’s “good quality hair” is not a desirable characteristic. She’s apparently sent her pictures to “top modeling agencies” in New York and just can’t figure out what they’re looking for. How about cut her hair?! She also forgets her daughter’s make-up and hairbrush. While other pageant moms yells and cheer from the audience, Liana performs while her mother “watches” backstage on a broken tv and her other supporters simply clap politely. I question why her mother is putting her through this horrifying experience.
Circle City Stars and Cars: Alaska & Braxton – awkward to awesome!
In another case of a mother favoring one child over another, this mom throws her support behind her son, Braxton and has no confidence in her daughter, Alaska. She regularly bleaches her children’s teeth, which doesn’t seem healthy. She forces fair Alaska to dye her eyelashes, a service I didn’t even know was offered, especially for children! When pageant day arrives, Braxton is a dud on stage and Alaska takes home a big title, shocking her mother. Alaska cries tears of joy receiving her crown– she deserves it for putting up with that mom!
Storybook Pageant: Alessandra & Carley – double awkward!
Alessandra’s mother does not want her to go glitz… in a glitz pageant. I don’t condone this pageant lifestyle, but if you want to do a glitz pageant you need to dress the part. It’s like going to your soccer game in bare feet when everyone else on the field has cleats on. Poor Alessandra is beautiful and has great routines, but her mini-prom dress’s hoop skirt does not work in her favor. Her mom realizes that they didn’t step their game up enough. Girls should feel good about their natural beauty, but being a natural girl in a glitz pageant cannot be good for self esteem.
Carley is a worse situation. Her mother literally lives vicariously through her daughter, saying that she feels like it’s her up there on that stage and that she and Carley are living one life. Cute Carley doesn’t seem either into or opposed to pageants, but she’s created an alter-ego, Darla, for pageant days. Her mother encourages Darla’s appearances over Carley’s, which sounds super healthy. The most awkward moment is when Carley is in the hair dresser’s chair getting her blonde hair retouched. She says that she doesn’t want highlights, she wants her hair her normal color: brown. I hope there’s a lot of editing going on, ‘cause this is sad.
Lollipops and Gumdrops Pageant:
Hailey Shangela – awesome!
Okay, Hailey is pretty awesome too. She’s a beautiful and articulate girl and she’s a great performer. She learned from the best– her godfather, Uncle DJ, better known as Shangela from Ru Paul’s Drag Race! I’m a big RPDR fan and I love watching Uncle DJ interact with his goddaughter who says that drag queens are cool. Pageantry and drag are really quite similar, so it’s a perfect role model for her to have.
Of course, I can think of moments more horrifying than the ones I’ve listed here. What are your favorite horrifying Toddlers & Tiaras moments?