I was away for the weekend, but I still found the time to binge-watch Orange is the New Black! I had originally planned to do this post in two parts, sort of my reactions mid-season and my impressions of the season as a whole. Of course, I had absolutely no restraint and had burned through the season by Sunday night.
If you aren’t as psychotic as I am, I’ve included some mini-recaps, episode by episode with very minimal spoilers! And if you binged through it all like I did, I’m dyinggg to talk about it! More specifics are under the cut. Enjoy!
Episode 1: We’re as confused as Piper is through most of this episode. She and Alex are the only characters we see, so you want to get through it quickly because we miss our favorite inmates so much! The end makes it feel worthwhile, though.
Episode 2: We finally get to catch up with our girls! The childhood flashbacks feel warranted thanks to the same kind of back-story reveals we got last season. We do not see Piper, but the episode does not lack her storyline.
“Maybe I’ll pinterest. I hear that’s a thing.” – Morello
Episode 3: With a slew of new inmates we get some new characters: a new, first-time inmate, and an old acquaintance of a couple Litchfield girls who is going to be big trouble. We get a whole new perspective on the Piper/Tucky fight from last season and WOW is it interesting.
Episode 4: Morello’s always been one of my favorites, and I’m so happy to see some focus on her— in this episode’s Morello flashbacks we get to see what kind of crimes she committed; we’d actually never seen her out of prison before! Piper moves in with Red who finds a way to regain power.
Episode 5: This episode has the best title ever, “Low Self Esteem City” which embodies a challenge between Nicky & Boo. Piper asks Healy for furlough to see her dying grandmother who responds, “Furlough is like the Loch Ness Monster— much discussed and rarely seen.” We find out Caputo is in a band called Side Boob.
Episode 6: It’s Valentine’s Day and we get little mockumentary interviews about love throughout that are hilarious. I really enjoy the line dancing as well. Red’s new supply chain is in action, but she’s not the only game in town.
Episode 7: Piper gets involved in journalistic endeavors. This episode is full of business dealings and hilarious quotes, like Poussey’s “…If a cow breaks me out of here, I stop eating meat that day,” and basically everything Sophia said to Red.
Episode 8: Caputo is on a rampage to figure out where the contraband is coming from. Red tries to make an alliance with the Spanish kitchen crew against the new Litchfield bully. I know I said I didn’t miss him, but I was kind of excited to see the return of Pornstache.
Episode 9: Wait, are Piper and Larry really done? Real life Piper married Larry, but I’m not so sure about fictional Piper… In other news, this is the first time I’ve cried all season. Red apologizes to her girls earning their love back, and keeps her alliance with the Golden Girls— looks like she’s about to be a super power again!
Episode 10: My heart breaks for Red in this episode, and even more for Morello. I love these two so much. I’m seriously softening to Pornstache too. It’s nice that Morello’s kind of come clean; I feel better about her sanity now.
Episode 11: Red’s armed with two pieces of knowledge: (1) someone told Vee about her supply chain, and (2) drugs are again flowing into the prison— have we learned nothing from what happened to Tricia? Said betrayer turns on Red and the family. Red’s new friends, the old ladies, reveal themselves to be tougher than expected.
“Wow. That was a short mystery.” – Nicky
Episode 12: A storms brings a blackout and flood to Litchfield adding an additional element of danger to an already deadly environment. Someone gets slocked (that’s being hit by a lock in a sock) and it is absolutely horrifying.
“You want to assassinate someone, vision is a basic requirement. It’s like, step 1: pick a person to kill; step 2: kill them first!”
Episode 13: I’m very, very happy to see someone alive. I’m happy to see everyone rally to try to bring down the big bag. I absolutely love the end– Morello, shouting to Miss Rosa, and that one loose end, tied up for good. Admit it: we all wanted that to happen.
Alright guys, now for the spoilers…