beauty pageants

RIP Toddlers & Tiaras on Netflix

Alert: TLC shows are expiring from Netflix next week.  This is bad news for me, because I watched Toddlers and Tiaras in its entirety no less than 3 times over the summer.  I’ve gotten to be so fond of this train-wreck of a show that I’m not sure how I’m going to cope with not being able to watch these awesome and awkward moments whenever I want!  Here are the moments I’ll miss the most:


Universal Royalty Pageant: AshLynn & BreAnneawkward!


It’s Universal Royalty!  (Yes, that was in Annette Hill’s voice.)  The mother of these twins is one of the worst examples of behavior this show has to offer.  Let’s not even start on the fact that she’s spelt her children’s names in ways promising to haunt them throughout life.  She blatantly favors BreAnne, who she says is the prettiest of her five children and looks just like herself.  She constantly puts AshLynn down, and makes her wear a ripped dress while BreAnne gets a brand new one.  This is one of, if not the MOST uncomfortable you can be watching this show.


Outlaw Pageant: Isabellaawesome!


This is the first of two appearances by Isabella Gielniak, the best example of the positive aspects of pageantry.  Isabella is a creative, energetic little girl.  She’s not the polished pageant “professional” that this show often features.  She’s genuine!  Isabella makes up an entire western wear routine in this episode and ends up winning first place for the category.  You can’t help but smile watching this little girl have so much fun performing.


Darling Divas: Lianaawkward!


I feel so bad for Liana in this episode, a girl with 42″ hair and the wrong pageant clothes.  Instead of a cupcake dress, she wears something akin to a first communion dress.  Her mother is oblivious to the fact that Liana’s “good quality hair” is not a desirable characteristic.  She’s apparently sent her pictures to “top modeling agencies” in New York and just can’t figure out what they’re looking for. How about cut her hair?! She also forgets her daughter’s make-up and hairbrush. While other pageant moms yells and cheer from the audience, Liana performs while her mother “watches” backstage on a broken tv and her other supporters simply clap politely.  I question why her mother is putting her through this horrifying experience.


Circle City Stars and Cars: Alaska & Braxtonawkward to awesome!


In another case of a mother favoring one child over another, this mom throws her support behind her son, Braxton and has no confidence in her daughter, Alaska.  She regularly bleaches her children’s teeth, which doesn’t seem healthy.  She forces fair Alaska to dye her eyelashes, a service I didn’t even know was offered, especially for children!  When pageant day arrives, Braxton is a dud on stage and Alaska takes home a big title, shocking her mother.  Alaska cries tears of joy receiving her crown– she deserves it for putting up with that mom!


Storybook Pageant: Alessandra & Carleydouble awkward!

IMG_0702Alessandra’s mother does not want her to go glitz… in a glitz pageant.  I don’t condone this pageant lifestyle, but if you want to do a glitz pageant you need to dress the part.  It’s like going to your soccer game in bare feet when everyone else on the field has cleats on.  Poor Alessandra is beautiful and has great routines, but her mini-prom dress’s hoop skirt does not work in her favor.  Her mom realizes that they didn’t step their game up enough.  Girls should feel good about their natural beauty, but being a natural girl in a glitz pageant cannot be good for self esteem.


Carley is a worse situation.  Her mother literally lives vicariously through her daughter, saying that she feels like it’s her up there on that stage and that she and Carley are living one life.  Cute Carley doesn’t seem either into or opposed to pageants, but she’s created an alter-ego, Darla, for pageant days.  Her mother encourages Darla’s appearances over Carley’s, which sounds super healthy.  The most awkward moment is when Carley is in the hair dresser’s chair getting her blonde hair retouched.  She says that she doesn’t want highlights, she wants her hair her normal color: brown. I hope there’s a lot of editing going on, ‘cause this is sad.


Lollipops and Gumdrops Pageant: Hailey Shangela – awesome!


Okay, Hailey is pretty awesome too.  She’s a beautiful and articulate girl and she’s a great performer.  She learned from the best– her godfather, Uncle DJ, better known as Shangela from Ru Paul’s Drag Race!  I’m a big RPDR fan and I love watching Uncle DJ interact with his goddaughter who says that drag queens are cool.  Pageantry and drag are really quite similar, so it’s a perfect role model for her to have.


Of course, I can think of moments more horrifying than the ones I’ve listed here.  What are your favorite horrifying Toddlers & Tiaras moments?

Friday Favorites: Bad TV

It’s no secret that I watch a lot of really bad TV.  When you live alone, TV provides a pretty essential background of dialogue to remind you that there are other people on this planet.  I always have something playing; reality TV that you can completely tune out is perfect for background noise.  I keep it on while I play 3DS, while I write, while I browse online, and while I cook.  (But never while I’m reading; books deserve my full attention.)

I thought I’d take inventory of some of these horrible, guilty pleasure shows, and share them with you here.

Four Weddings


I make every effort in life not to be a super girly girl, (simply because I’m not one!) but I do have a small fraction of my being that is a girl stereotype.  That part of me is the part that loves Four Weddings.  I’m such a sucker for weddings.  While the dress is probably my favorite part, I prefer Four Weddings to Say Yes to the Dress.  This show lets you see the full picture of four weddings in each episode, and thus gives you insight into all the other fun details of the day.  A friend of my friends was in an episode and I was dying to see that… so I purchased the season on Amazing Instant Video.  This is a great show to leave on as you go about your evening and you might find yourself planning your wedding while you do.


Toddlers and Tiaras

IMG_0469This is a car crash of a show: you simply can’t look away.  Complete with absolutely insane parents and ridiculously spoiled children, this show has a plethora of cringe-worthy moments.  Yet, there’s something about Toddlers and Tiaras I love.  I think it’s the poise of these well-polished girls, dressed eerily to look four times their age.  I’m not a parent, and I’d never make my kids do pageants if I were, but if for some reason my kids wanted to, I would go glitz.  Fake hair, fake teeth, tons of make-up: all par for the course.  The tanning I have a problem with, not because little kids shouldn’t be tanned (well, maybe.  But they also shouldn’t look 25.) but because I’m pale.  What’s wrong with being pale?  I’m not defending pageants at all.  I am not a fan.  However, I think a good contestant has a certain control over their movement that any dancer would envy.  I’m impressed and entertained by that full package.


Super Nanny

IMG_0475One summer, my brother was interning in the city so he took up residence in my living room.  This wasn’t so bad for me; I simply had to move my no-pants-TV-time from the couch to my bedroom.  I fall asleep to TV, and reality TV you don’t care about is the perfect thing to keep on as you drift away.  Unfortunately for Joey, this was the summer that I was obsessed with Nanny 911 on Netflix.  Sounds of screaming kids wafted through the walls while I snoozed and he begged for silence to sleep.  I don’t know why I started watching Nanny 911.  Maybe I had eaten through everything interesting on Netflix.  After finishing that series, I moved on to Super Nanny, which is sadly the reason I started my Hulu Plus subscription.  Revisiting both, I think I like Super Nanny better.  It’s less gimmicky than Nanny 911, but either will do.  Just keep the volume down low if you’re planning on sleeping through the screams!


I guess I’m not feeling too guilty about watching these shows… one of these or a similar show plus the TV’s sleep timer is essential to my nightly routine!

What are you guilty pleasure shows?